What to Say Instead of “I’m Sorry”
Have you ever found yourself apologizing when someone else bumps into you? Or have you ever gotten the wrong meal at a restaurant and apologized profusely to the waiter for sending it back? Unfortunately, when we do this at work, it can cause us to seem like pushovers and may even put us in a position of weakness.
When I realized that I was apologizing too much at work, I became determined to break this habit. I started by searching my sent emails for all mentions of the word “sorry” to get a better sense of when, how, and to whom I had been apologizing without realizing it. I soon found that I’d apologized for all sorts of things, like waiting more than a day to respond to an email (“Hi John, I’m sorry it’s taken me so long to respond . . .”) or that I wasn’t available to meet at the time a colleague suggested (“I’m so sorry, I won’t be available then, but how about . . .”).
Reading these emails, it was so clear to me that I had accidentally been putting myself in a weak position by apologizing for these trivial things. Why was I implying that I was responsible for responding to the email immediately or that I was expected to work around the other person’s schedule? From that point on, I started re-reading all of my emails before sending them specifically to make sure they didn’t include unnecessary apologies. This made me more aware of the message I really wanted to be sending.
It was also helpful for me to replace my automatic “sorry” with something else. When I sat down to think about it, I realized that what I really wanted to communicate was my gratitude and appreciation for the other person’s time or consideration. So I started replacing “I’m sorry” with “Thank you.” Saying “Thank you” is much stronger and more aligned with what I was trying to express in the first place. For example: “Thank you for your patience” instead of “Sorry it's taken me so long to respond” or “Thank you for the invitation” instead of “So sorry I can’t make it.”
When you replace speech weakeners with phrases that carry power and good energy, that power and energy is then transferred to you.
To read more about topics like this one, check out my book The Myth of the Nice Girl.