Sorry, Not Sorry: How to Speak Assertively
Too many women subconsciously sabotage their own success by not speaking up at work or employing speech-weakening words (like “sorry” or “just”). I’ve done it, too.
Early in my career, one of my bosses saw I was having difficulty contributing in meetings and urged me to speak up more. “Fran, in today’s meeting,” he’d say beforehand, “I’m going to ask you to give everyone an update on the restructuring.” He empowered me to prepare my thoughts and contribute in a way that felt comfortable to me. I realized that anyone could speak assertively with the right preparation.
If speaking assertively is something you struggle with, here are some thoughts:
Avoid “speech weakeners.” Starting a sentence with “I might be wrong about this, but…” can make women seem uncertain. Raising the inflection at the end of your sentence makes it sound like you’re asking a question instead of making a statement. Avoid words like “sorry” and phrases like “I feel” (especially when what you mean is “I know”).
Stop saying “I’m sorry.'' Replace it with “thank you.” “Thank you for your patience” can take the place of “Sorry it’s taken me a while to get back to you”. There’s never a need to apologize if you haven’t done anything wrong.
Rely on the power of questions if you and another person disagree. For example, a simple phrase like, “Can you tell me how you came to that conclusion?” or “Can you share more with me about that assumption?” allows you to remain on firm ground while genuinely expressing interest in their thought process.
Be aware of your body language. It’s not just what we say, but how we say it that telegraphs our strength or weakness to others. Displaying physical confidence—by standing up straight and taking up more physical space—can go a long way in influencing how you are perceived.
If you’re interested in having me speak at your organization about topics just like this one, please visit my All American Speakers Bureau page and contact Maddy McPeak at maddy@aaehq.com.